Recent bullying events in Massachusetts that led to a suicide have put the concern front and center with parents once again. As the parent of an overweight child or teen, you may be particularly concerned that they are being victimized by a bully.

Dr. Joel Haber - Bullying Expert

Here at Camp Shane, a weight loss camp, we work with overweight children to help them lose weight and improve their self-esteem.  We find many children have experienced bullying first hand.  We work closely with Dr. Joel Haber, a clinical psychologist and renowned bullying expert, to ensure that it never happens at camp. He trains our staff and teaches us truly effective techniques to create a caring environment. We role play real-life simulations of bullying with campers and empower them with the tools and confidence to stand up for themselves. As a result, campers often comment that one of the things they love most about camp is that they feel safe.

David Ettenberg - Camp Shane Director

But what about back home or at school when your child isn’t in our safe and caring environment? Keep in mind – children that are victims of bullying often don’t have the proper skills to deal with the situation and can actually become bullies themselves, further perpetrating the problem.

But, if you to teach your kids the proper skills to stand up for themselves, studies clearly show that if intervention occurs, bullying ceases. Here are some tips from Dr. Joel Haber to help parents understand how to help your children if they are targeted by bullies:

The identification of a bullying situation is the first step to help your child. Think about a consistent time of the day, such as dinner time or when they are in the car with you, to ask your child, in specific terms about their day in school. How you listen and respond to them during this questioning will set the stage for future discussions going forward. You can ask your child:

-    Do you have someone to eat lunch with everyday?

-    Do you have someone to hang out with during recess?

-    Do you notice if anyone is being teased, picked on, or left out at lunch or recess?

-      Does this ever happen to you?

-      Have you spoken to anyone in school about this?

-      Has anyone who has seen or observed this reported this to an adult?

If your child is a victim, you must provide them with messages that are consistent and clear. These are:

Listen to their feelings, in a non-judgmental manner. If you react with a strong emotional outburst, you may shut your child down because they will fear you, like they do the bully.

Try to gather information about the specifics of the incident(s), so you can know all the facts. Documentation becomes a powerful tool when you have to deal with the school or another parent.

Never blame your child for being bullied. Bullying is a behavior that no one deserves, and if you blame your child they will feel diminished as a person, similar to how the bully made them feel. Even if your child was provoking this behavior, do not blame them.

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Empower your children by helping them come up with a plan.  Ask your child (Grades 2 and beyond, generally) what they think will help. You can role play how to stand up to a bully if they feel safe, become a good reporter to a teacher or aide, or enlist a friend.

To find out more about Dr. Haber and his efforts to fight bullying, visit RespectU.com. To find out more about Camp Shane weight loss camp, visit campshane.com.

By David Ettenberg and Dr. Joel Haber